


Paperwork

by dharmageek



Category: Discworld, Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Ankh-Morpork City Watch, Cabbages, F/M, Fluff, Love, Married Couple, Paperwork, knickers, playfulness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 19:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8257300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dharmageek/pseuds/dharmageek
Summary: The hot weather was making the City downright surly. The Thieves Guild decided to get into a spat with the Fools Guild over who held the rights to the game “Got Your Nose”. Small riots had erupted in Short Street after an argument over whether or not it was fair that female dwarves got to wear skirts in this hot weather. Not to mention the usual, standard everyday fare the Watch had to deal with. To top it all off, Carrot sent him home with a binder full of paperwork and the assurance that the Watch would have everything under control while Vimes got things in hand. 
How hard could doing paperwork in bed be?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the good 'ship Sam and Sybil Vimes. If this is not your ship, please disembark now. 
> 
> Acknowledgements: Sam and Sybil Vimes and the world they inhabit are the creations of Terry Pratchett. 
> 
> The inspiration for this story comes from the art of Beastie1991 on Tumblr. Beastie1991 is on Tumblr at http://beastie1991.tumblr.com/ and the work is on http://beastie1991.tumblr.com/page/5 about halfway down the page. 
> 
> This piece is not directly connected to Right of First Refusal but it fits into that trouser leg of time/universe.

Sam Vimes glowered at the offending piece of paper as he sat comfortably propped up in bed. He had signed off on everything except this report. He looked over the paper in his hands; he had been reading that particular report for over twenty minutes. He looked down at the page, _the kabages wer a strange_. For the life of him, he couldn’t make out that next word. And why did cabbages matter anyway? He didn’t even particularly like them. He couldn’t think of anyone who did. Cabbages were just a part of life, like death and taxes. Being a poor lad in the Shades, he had eaten more than his fair share cabbages and the fact they were confounding him in bed thirty years later was not helping his mood.

It didn’t help that he was being distracted. Not that the distraction was unwelcome, it was quite welcome. In fact, as distractions went, he wanted to welcome it with open arms and a full salute. The distraction in question wasn’t willful either if Sybil had wanted to distract him, she knew to be as subtle as a sledgehammer about it. He chuckled as he remembered last Sunday in the shower.

Sam shook his head. _Focus, Vimes_. He thought to himself as his wife stretched and drew his attention again.

Due to the warmth of the evening, she had removed her nightdress. Gone was his blushing and unsure bride, Sybil was lying on the bed in nothing more than her knickers and a smile with all the confidence of an empress. They were new knickers too, a dark purplish pink color.

The problem was if he wanted Carrot to give him some breathing room, he needed to finish all this paperwork. Unfortunately, Sybil in nothing but her knickers and a smile was a lot more enjoyable to look at than Fred’s description of cabbage carts. He shifted again in hopes of ignoring the things that were happening in his lower regions. He was about to try reading the page again when a thought struck him, and he tossed it off the bed.

Sam moved down the bed so he was sitting next to Sybil’s hips. “Are these new?” He asked as he traced the bottom edge of her knickers. 

“There was some extra material so I had some underthings made.” She replied her eyes still glued to the ledger. After waiting for a response, she continued. "I told you about it last week. I took that old dress into the tailors as a thank you for Cheery. She said the color reminded her of home." 

“Oh yes, I remember now. They are an unusual color, very frilly as well.” He rubbed the lace edge between his fingers.

Sybil wrote down a few numbers in the margin of the ledger. “The style is what is in now I’m afraid, they are completely impractical. I can only wear them to bed. But it would be silly to let the material go to waste.” She said in a tone that stated that she was unsure of the frivolity of frilly knickers.

He chuckled and smoothed out the fabric. Placing his hands on her backside, he gave her a gentle squeeze. "They're nice." Sybil turned and gave him a smile.

“I thought you had paperwork?” She crooned. 

“It seems something has popped up.” He said giving her another squeeze for emphasis.

Misunderstanding his statement, the smallest flash of disappointment appeared in her eyes. She nodded and looked back down at the ledger. “I understand, Sam. Be safe tonight.”

He looked at her in disbelief. She was so wrapped up in what she was doing that she thought he was going back to work. _Well, I can distract her too_. He ghosted the small of her back with his fingertips.

She squirmed slightly at the sensation that was right on the edge of highly erotic and ticklish. “I thought you had head out?”

“The business is here. Civil disobedience, I’d say.” He said seriously.

She turned from her paperwork and looked at him quizzically. “Sam, what are you getting on about?”

He did his best to keep his expression stern. “Preventing an officer from the performance of his/her[1] duties. In particular, distracting an officer of the law while he/she is conducting Watch business.” He tsked after making his charge causing her to chuckle.

“Well, Commander.” She replied doing her best to remain composed. “I was unaware Watch business was being conducted in my bedroom. I will be more mindful in the future.”

“Unaware?!” He huffed. “Paperwork is essential to the functioning of …” He burst into laughter. “Sorry, I can’t say that with a straight face.”

She smiled at him. “It has cooled down. Would it help if I put my nightdress back on?”

“No, because that would have you leaving the scene of an investigation.” He said his eyes full of mischief.

“How about if you let me off with a warning and I promise never to do it again? Once you tell what it is exactly.” She said coyly.

“Can’t have that either. That wouldn’t be favorable for me …as your husband…” He mumbled this last bit as his bravado dipped. It was easier when she wasn’t looking at him.

“We could trade places on the bed if you like? I could cover myself up with the sheet, and you could lie here and distract me for a while.” She said helpfully.

“That won’t work either, I am afraid. I have already been distracted from my duties.” She turned to look at him exposing more of herself. He grinned cheekily. “Not to mention, there may be a pending charge of indecent exposure.”

Sybil sat up and faced him. “I will have you know Samuel Vimes that I am a Ramkin and even when I am not wearing a stitch of clothing I am perfectly decent.“ She said with enough playful haughtier and self-righteousness that he couldn't help but smile.

Quirking her head slightly to the left she feigned a slight pout and slowly moved her hand from her collarbone to her sternum letting it rest between her breasts. “I thought you found me decent at the very least.”

Taking a deep breath, Sam averted his eyes for a moment so he didn’t gape at her like some teenage twerp.

Turning back to her, he smiled and gazed deeply into her eyes before taking the hand from her chest. He held it up to his mouth and began kissing it never breaking eye contact. Sybil's breath quickened, and she bit her bottom lip. 

"My Sybil, what am I ever going to do with you?" He said his voice rough with desire causing Sybil to blush. He chuckled deeply and let go of her hand. His smile slowly becoming more mischevious.

Sybil caught the gleam in his eye and shook her head. "Sam."

He just looked at her playfully and nodded grinning like a school boy before pouncing and knocking her back into the wall of pillows at the head of the bed.

Sybil let out a yelp and began laughing as she hit the pillows causing Sam to laugh harder. He planted a deep kiss on her lips and started moving his hands down her body. When he touched the silky material of her knickers, he paused for a moment. “So what color do you call this?”

Sybil giggled as his hands barely brushed her belly. “Magenta. It's made using an Uberwaldian technique with a dye made from cabbage juice.”

Sam stopped and looked at her. “What did you say?”

“Magenta?” She said as she started to kiss and nibble his jawline.

He straddled her and sat up on his haunches. “After that.”

She reached up and took his hand placing slow kisses on his palm and then his knuckles. “It is an Uberwaldian technique?”

He seemed to look past her, focusing on something else. “After that.”

She sighed and let go of his hand. “The dye comes from red and purple cabbages.”

“Hold that thought.” He jumped out of bed and grabbed Fred’s report from the floor. _The man had a funnie aksent and the kabages wer a strange per peal. He said they wer heeded four the tesstile districk._ Vimes smacked himself on the forehead and groaned. _  
_

Sybil gave him a concerned glance. “Is everything alright, Sam?”

Sam looked at the report and then at his wife. She had wrapped up in the sheets and picked up the ledger to begin work again.

He set the report down on the bed. “Everything is fine, dear.” Sam kissed her forehead before running his fingers through her short hair. She let out a happy little sigh. Looking her intently in the eyes, pulled the book from her hands. "Just let me put this up for the night."

He gathered his reports, and carefully placed them with Sybil’s ledger on the nightstand. “Now where were we?” He gazed at her adoringly. “Oh yes, I need to show you just how much you’ve been distracting me all night.” He said smiling like a cat full of sixpence, before blowing the candles out.

The next morning in the Oblong Office, the Commander and Captain of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch sat across from the Patrician.

Vetinari held the bridge of his nose and sighed before continuing to glare at the Commander. “I have received a report this morning that Sergeant Colon discovered a possible conspiracy involving Uberwald. Conspiracies are serious allegations. What exactly is the threat being posed by cabbages?” He said not trying to hide the exasperation in his voice.

Carrot opened his mouth to speak but Sam beat him to the answer. “Nothing, Sir. Some red and purple varieties were imported from Uberwald and caused some confusion, but it has all been sorted out. .”

"Confusion? Please elaborate." Vetinari responded not looking at all pleased. 

Carrot cleared his throat. "It isn't the typical color of cabbage around here, Sir. Ankh-Morpork cabbages tend to be green with the occasional brown bit, but Sargeant Angua assures me that purple cabbage is quite common and popular in Uberwald."

“I see,” Vetinari replied steepling his fingers.

“It is used in the manufacture of dyes. The cabbage carts were headed to the textile district. Nothing to worry about, Sir.” Sam continued woodenly.

“Tell me, Commander.” Vetinari replied raising an eyebrow. "How did you come to know so much about Uberwaldian cabbages?”

"After looking at the report." Sam said doing his best to keep his expression blank. "I finally got to the bottom, Sir." 

Vetinari was about to say something when Drumknott handed him a note. After reading the first few lines, he cursed under his breath. “Very well, Commander. If there isn’t anything else, please do not let me detain you.”

Both Sam and Carrot rose and saluted.

Leaving the office, Carrot turned to the Sam. “Isn’t the phrase, got to the bottom of it?” The young man asked innocently.

“Hmmm?” Sam replied, proceeding at a comfortable pace and unintentionally smiling ever so slightly. 

“The phrase is getting to the bottom of something. And you said you got to the bottom.” Carrot continued perplexed.

Sam blinked and adopted a blank expression. “Did I? Must have been a slip of the tongue, I was up most of the night.”

Carrot nodded. “Of course, Sir.”

[1] Vimes always made sure to clearly enunciate and emphasize “his stroke her”.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. If you found a plot bunny you would like to take home and nurture into a story, please do. I don't have a beta so if you see anything amiss or confusing please let me know.
> 
> As always, comments, suggestions, discussion and plot bunnies are welcome.


End file.
